Two Perspectives

Two Perspectives on Moving from Fear to Compassion

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

We stay in a state of fear most of the time – the fear of hurting our body, the fear of getting hurt in love, the fear of failure, the fear of not meeting goals at work, the fear of losing our job and so on. Most of the time our fears are expressions of emotional baggage because we expect the past experience to repeat itself. ‘Once bitten, twice shy’ has a very interesting equivalent in Hindi which means the one who got burnt by hot milk drinks even cold buttermilk with caution.

Someone has rightly said, Fear or F.E.A.R. stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Most of the time our fears are imaginary. Sometimes we may have deep rooted fears also, which we try to overcome very hard but fail again and again. Let’s say every time a blind person tries to walk on his own, he gets hurt. He has a very justified reason for fear. But still if one persists, tries to learn from the experience and acts with determination, fear can be overcome most of the time.

The well known book by Dale Carnegie, “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” forces us to reflect. Firstly worry arises from fear and when you live with fear, you are not living fully. Secondly when you release the fear (after becoming aware of your fears), then only you can start living a truly joyful life.

How do we release fears and move from fear to compassion. We need to replace each thought of fear with compassion. Let us take few examples. Supposing you have a fear of dogs. Just remember that positive vibrations tend to invite positive vibrations in return. Look at the dogs with compassion. As you replace your fearful thoughts with compassionate thoughts, you will notice that the dogs will stop barking at you or become less aggressive.

Let us take another example. Many people have a fear of crime in developing countries. Have you ever realized that when you send vibrations of fear, you may attract more crime or thieves? After all the fear will be often visible in your face/body language and will give hints to the wrong people that you are feeling scared. Once a client asked me, “If I become a good human being, aren’t people more likely to misuse me?” I replied, “First become a smart human being and then become a good human being.”

Moving to compassion does not mean becoming compassionate to criminals and thieves. (In fact that is also possible but at a very advanced stage.) But an average person needs to become smart enough so that the tendency of fear of being cheated or fooled comes down. As a result it becomes easier for us to be compassionate and even develop a strong sense of intuition and recognizing the negative vibes in people.

Filling ourselves with positive emotions of gratitude for the universe is very helpful in moving from fear to compassion. I once posted on Facebook, “The universe wants its abundance to flow freely. We only, block it with negative thoughts, lack of faith and often due to lack of gratitude. If we are not grateful to universe for what we have already received, what is the guarantee that we will be grateful, if we get more?”

Our attitude towards problems and challenges is critical to let the fear go. We need to understand that ups and downs are part of life and life cannot be a straight line. As the joke goes, “The only time ECG graph is a straight line is when you are dead.”

Here is a nice video on fear and worry from Robin Sharma, the well known leadership guru and motivational speaker.

How to Defeat Worry

So stop acting with fear and start acting with compassion.

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Dr. Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant, passionate Blogger, and Motivational Speaker based in New Delhi, India. He specializes in personal branding with a holistic touch. His philosophy is “Take Charge of your Life and your Brand” He writes a Blog, “The Joys of Teaching”

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Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

As I walked into the personal growth workshop, the facilitators asked me what I hoped to gain from the weekend. I knew that answer. I desperately wanted to release my fear.

I was afraid of what other people might think, what other people might do, conflict, losing relationships, being different, making a fool of myself. I had been betrayed many times. I was afraid to trust. Most of all, I was afraid of my fear.

As the workshop began, the facilitators asked us to make four commitments: don’t chew gum, don’t interrupt, be on time, and do whatever we were told.

I had no problem with the first three requests. I never chewed gum, I didn’t often speak in front of strangers, and being punctual mattered.

However, I had a problem with the last request—doing whatever we were told. History had taught me that humans had ordered other humans to rape, pillage, steal, and kill.

I was conflicted. I didn’t want to agree. On the other hand, I wanted to learn how to release my fear, and I was afraid of being different and losing the workshop I had paid to attend. Reluctantly, I said yes.

My decision nagged me all week as I waited for the second workshop to begin. I knew the facilitators would demand the same four commitments. Was I going to cave in again and agree? I decided I was not. I was terrified.

Sleepless night after sleepless night, I tossed and turned. What would the facilitators say? How would the other participants act? How should I prepare? My what-ifs continued to torment me.

Fortunately, I had had several years in NarAnon, a support group for families and friends of addicts. NarAnon had taught me I couldn’t fix anyone else. I could only fix myself. NarAnon taught that I needed the help of a Power greater than myself. It suggested “Let go and let God.”

I didn’t much like that word “God.” It always made me think of an old man with a long white beard, sitting on a thundercloud with a lightening bolt in his hand, waiting to strike me dead if I didn’t do some unclear thing he wanted me to do. I had always considered myself an intellectual agnostic.

I did like the words “Power greater than myself” better than the word “God.” However, I had to deal with my terror somehow, I couldn’t do it by myself, and I didn’t have time to engage in the niceties of semantics.

Tears streaming down my face, I threw myself to my knees on the living room floor and pleaded, “God help me!”

Suddenly, a magnificent calm flooded my body. Together, I knew we could handle it.

The second workshop began. Again, the facilitators asked us to make the four commitments. I refused to agree to do whatever I was told.

The room turned surly. The facilitators said the workshop could not continue until every one agreed. Ultimately, they walked out, leaving me alone with a furious group of participants.

Bill had taken time off from work to attend the workshop. Jane was paying for a babysitter so that she could attend. Raymond slammed his fist on the table. Mary screamed in my face. John called me an uncooperative bitch. I felt nothing but compassion and love.

The facilitators returned and asked me to leave the workshop. It no longer mattered. I had received exactly what I came to get—release of my fear.

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Janet Smith Warfield serves wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information, see www.janetsmithwarfield.com; www.wordsculpturespublishing.com; and www.wordsculptures.com.

Two Perspectives on Releasing Social Filters and Speaking from the Truth of Who We Are

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

I have suffered a lot in life because I have refused to use filters. Maybe I was born brutally honest and ruthlessly frank!

There have been times when I have told women to their face, “Yes you are looking fat” (when they asked for my opinion). Well that’s my opinion, take it or leave it. I don’t claim to be telling the truth all the time, but yes I am telling my version of the truth, what seems true to me.

Inspired by Gandhi, but a bit more complicated, my autobiography will be entitled, “My Experiments with Complete Truth, Ruthless Frankness and Brutal Honesty.” If I survive for the next 20 years, I will write a brutally honest autobiography. I will tell my version of truth, my failures, my successes, my troubles, my self-inflicted suffering. I don’t care whether people will be interested in reading it; I will write it to give vent to whatever emotions have been trapped inside me due to social filters, and I will write it for myself.

Sometimes I have wondered, “Do people really want to know the truth? Or do they prefer sweet lies and diplomacy? Have I paid too high a price for my brutal honesty? Do Indian and eastern cultures like filters and do not respect straight forwardness? Is there some lack of inner confidence which makes us look for sweet lies and reject bitter truth? Is life already too bitter and we should not make it more bitter by truths?”

I still believe we need to develop inner confidence to speak and hear the truth. In the short term, lies can be sweet. But if I tell an ugly woman, “You look beautiful”, will it change the facts? Will I not spoil my own brand and credibility in the process and give her false hopes? But I also believe, if you have inner beauty it will reflect on your face and will make you beautiful (though not in the traditional sense of the term).

In the long run, truth is always better. But in this fast paced world, who is bothered about the long run?

Anyway, I will try to be kindly honest now.

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Dr. Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant, passionate Blogger, and Motivational Speaker based in New Delhi, India. He specializes in personal branding with a holistic touch. His philosophy is “Take Charge of your Life and your Brand” He writes a Blog, “The Joys of Teaching”

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Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

“Mom, most people function with filters. You don’t.” My oldest son offered this observation after an emotionally-charged family phone conference where my youngest son hung up on us, offended by a remark I had made.

I thought a moment and agreed. “No, I don’t use filters.” I speak my truth from the core of who I am, right here, right now, in this present moment, with these people, surrounded by this environment. It is a unique moment carrying its own energy. I am not willing to mask and distort the energy of who I am with people I love, even when it hurts. I want intimacy in as many relationships as possible.

Yet there are times when I do use filters. I use them when discernment and previous experience have shown me there are people I cannot trust to care for my welfare as they would care for their own. Then I need to use filters to protect both them and me.

Can my truth of the moment change? Absolutely and often quickly when others are also speaking without filters from the core of their own beings. They offer me a perspective I might not previously have thought of or additional information I didn’t previously have.

I do know that speaking from my unfiltered core upsets people who only feel comfortable operating through filters. Is it because I’ve lived every single one of those filters myself and know them well from the inside out? Because I’ve lived them, I can penetrate them. That’s threatening for people who believe their filter is Truth.

My youngest son had commented that there were consequences to my speech and actions. I know that and don’t take either speech or action lightly. But are he and his wife aware that there are also consequences to their speech and actions? Eastern religions call it karma.

So how do we move forward in relationship and collaboration when one person needs filters and the other is functioning from the core of who they are? There’s clearly a misalignment of communication and energies. Intimacy is not possible when people function from filters, although etiquette and polite conversation certainly are.

“I consider myself a pretty good mediator,” my oldest son said, “but I don’t know where to go from here.” Neither did I.

“I think I am simply going to stop taking initiative and stop seeking out relationships with people who need filters,” I said. “If and when they want intimacy, I’m here.” I can still love them. I can pray and meditate for all of us when we’re stuck in our conditioned filters. I can even just keep my mouth shut when I’m around people stuck in filters. But is it worth the price?

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Janet Smith Warfield works with wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information about Janet, go to www.janetsmithwarfield.com; www.wordsculpturespublishing.com; and www.wordsculptures.com.

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Copyright © 2011 – Janet Smith Warfield. All rights reserved.

Two Perspectives on Love

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

When we say, “I love you”, most of us are actually saying, “I need emotional energy. Do you also need it? Can we exchange it?” Some of us will say, “So what is wrong, everything is give and take in this world.” And others will say, “Sadly this is true, even love has become a business of emotions.”

I am a true Libran and I am always trying to achieve that delicate balance (though I may not succeed all the time). On one hand I agree there is no harm in give and take (In fact my favorite Hindi song Sach mere yaar hai has a similar tone) and it is difficult for a human being to love someone who does not love you in return. On the other hand if every time you tell your loved one, “See I have done this for you and now you must do this for me in return, it can become a very logical love.” Love is of course a very beautiful emotion which should not get too logical.

Business of love

For most of us love is a business where we invest emotional energy to get equal emotional energy in return. I sometimes jokingly use the management term ‘Return on investment’ or ROI. Though our economies keep on fluctuating between recession and boom, I think love in this world has been in the depression stage for quite some time. The return on the investment on love has become very low. The next thing which immediately strikes our mind is, “Does unconditional love exist in today’s world?”

Unconditional love

I once posted on Facebook, “Since you have met my conditions, now I shall give you unconditional love and the human story goes on.” Sadly this is the true state of affairs. Mothers in particular and parents in general do give us unconditional love to their children but the duration and intensity of the unconditional love is being questioned in the society now. So why is LOVE disappearing into thin air?

Love in a materialistic world

As our greed for material becomes stronger and stronger, the life span of love becomes shorter and shorter. “Kab aata hai, kab jaata hai…” Love comes and goes but as long as it stays it takes you through a heavenly experience. Since the world has become too materialistic, the relationships have become too vulnerable. But we need to remember, the less love we get, the more we try to feed our insecurities with money and material. Money can never give the lasting happiness which loving relationships can. But our greed for money and increasing distrust in the negative society we live in has created a question mark on the status of love.

Is true love possible?

Love is a much glorified word and is probably the most misused word in the world. I am reminded of a famous quote which is probably true for love too, “Love is dead. Long live love.” The base human feelings of selfishness must be conquered first to be able to love someone. In fact my experience has been, you should be either too mature or too spiritual to develop the capacity to love truly.

Though love is a very broad word and covers love for living and non-living things but love in a narrow sense is used for life partner. In fact as the society evolves, we will move from the concept of life partner to life purpose partner. When we discover our deepest passion and life purpose we would want a life purpose partner who supports us in our mission. That’s why they say, “Love is not looking into each other’s eyes but looking together in the same direction.”

I remember receiving a beautiful New Year message from a friend sometime back, “Faith makes all things possible, hope makes all things work and love makes all things beautiful.” We have moved from love to business of love and now to tamasha of love. Will love stage a comeback in the society? Is there a hope in the near future? Will we achieve a delicate balance between love and money, emotion and material? I am keenly awaiting your answers.

Inspiring Quotes on Love

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.

-Lao Tzu

‎A man travels all over the World to find what he needs and returns home to find it

-George Moore

_____________________________________________________________________________________ Dr. Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant, passionate Blogger, and Motivational Speaker based in New Delhi, India. He specializes in personal branding with a holistic touch. His philosophy is “Take Charge of your Life and your Brand” _______________________________________________________________________________

Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

What is love?

Yesterday, in preparation for writing this blog, I reread Plato’s Symposium. In the Symposium, Socrates and his friends, Phaedrus, Pausanias, Eryximachus, Aristophanes, and Agathon take turns conversing about love. Their offerings end with a dialog between Socrates and Socrates speaking as Diotema, a wise woman of Mantineia, who was Socrates’ instructress about love.

Phaedrus speaks of love as being courageous, true, and honorable – a willingness to die for another.

Pausanias differentiates between heavenly love and earthly love. Heavenly love has a noble purpose, is faithful to the end, and has no shadow of lust. Earthly love is a coarser kind of love – love only of the body.

Eryximachus, the physician, focuses on the reconciliation or harmony which unites opposites. Love which is just and temperate has the greatest power and is the source of happiness.

Aristophanes professes that love is the desire for the whole. The pursuit of the whole, or reconciliation with God, is called love.

Agathon states that love dwells in the hearts and souls of men and can neither do nor suffer wrong. Where there is love, there is obedience. Where there is obedience, there is justice. Love is temperate, courageous, and wise.

Then Socrates, speaking as Diotema, dialoging with Socrates himself, begins his discourse by saying that his friends have spoken only what is good about love and not what is true about love. Socrates speaking as Diotema continues by saying that love is the son of Plenty and Poverty, both full and squalid; a mean between ignorance and knowledge, neither mortal nor immortal, never in want and never in wealth. Love interprets between gods and men. Love desires birth in beauty and the everlasting possession of the good – immortality in a mortal creature through the creation and invention of conceptions of wisdom and virtue.

The discourse is interrupted by Alcibiades, a drunken and disappointed lover of Socrates, who joins in the discourse to sing the praises of Socrates, proclaiming him a great speaker and enchanter who ravishes the souls of men and convinces their hearts. Alcibiades has suffered agonies from Socrates and is at his wit’s end. He relates Socrates’ superior powers of enduring cold and fatigue and how Socrates saved Alcibiades’ life. Socrates is the most wonderful of human beings and also a satyr. He uses the commonest words as masks for divine truths.

And then, this morning, as I was luxuriating in bed, pondering what I had read the day before and asking myself, “Well, what is love anyway?” I found myself challenged by the words with which to express the experience. We all know love when we experience it, but how can we create the words to describe it? The words can only point to the experience. They cannot accurately communicate it.

I loved my parents, even though they mistakenly guided me into physical marriage and only partially into being the creative being that I am. I loved the father of my children, even though he brought suffering into my life through an affair. I know what it feels like to love a soul mate and then be brutally abused by him. I love being immersed in beautiful sunsets, fine art, mountain waterfalls, and angelic choirs.

So what is love?

For me, it is simply a state of creative being, a dynamic energetic flow, a creative life force, constantly shifting in form as I dance my own dance of consciousness with the other life forms around me. It is the conscious choice to be the divine and support the manifestation of the divine in everything around me.

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Janet Smith Warfield works with wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information about Janet, go to www.janetsmithwarfield.com; www.wordsculpturespublishing.com;   www.wordsculptures.com.

Copyright © 2011 – Janet Smith Warfield. All rights reserved.

Two Perspectives on Co-Creating a Peaceful, Prosperous Planet

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

Internet and social media are bringing us together on a large scale. The spreading of protests (Occupy Wall Street) on an international scale shows that people all over the world are facing similar problems and true globalization is about to begin. The mass media can ignore things at its own peril.

The major challenges in creating a peaceful and prosperous planet are cross border conflicts, languages and cultural differences and limited interaction (to understand and appreciate other perspectives). In my opinion there are four major tools we can use to make the world a beautiful place to live in.

1)      Collaboration at individual and organization levels

People need to collaborate at individual levels using social media and internet. The collaboration between organizations (and countries of course) can also be encouraged. The three major focus areas should be world peace, education and culture (Soka Gakkai International, based in Japan works in these areas).

2)      Wisdom

Understanding the root causes of issues by increasing our wisdom levels will go a long way in creating a peaceful and prosperous world.  Knowledge puts us in the way of wisdom but wisdom is something experiential. Sandra Carey says, “Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living, the other helps you make a life.” Japanese have a nice proverb differentiating knowledge and wisdom, “Knowledge without wisdom is a load of books, on the back of an ass.”

Wisdom will help us in understanding the root causes behind international conflicts and eliminating them. It will also help us to respond rather than react to situations. Wisdom will also discourage the abuse of power.

3)      Compassion

Developing empathy and trying to understand another person’s (or race) perspective is very critical. According to the Latin roots of the word, compassion means co-suffering, suffering with others, feeling the pain of others as if it was your pain. As the saying goes, “Kindness gives to other. Compassion knows no other.” Empathetic Listening is very critical to develop compassion. Also, if you put yourself in another person’s shoes, you will be able to understand their problems better and may be able to help by suggesting solutions.

Compassion will make rich countries (and their people) more generous towards their poorer counterparts. A genuine effort will be made to uplift and the approach with focus on hard negotiations will change to a more win-win approach.

4)      Courage

People need to gather courage to stand up against injustice and vested interests that divide and create rift. Merriam Webster’s Dictionary defines courage as, “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty. It also implies firmness of mind or will.” Letting go of fear contributes to our sanity and expands our consciousness as fear tends to hold us back, distorts our perceptions and reduces our faith.

Some politicians may have a tendency to divide people due to vested interests. People need to stand up against such efforts and discourage any actions which create further divides in society.

Conclusion

With these four simple tools, I am sure we will be on our way to co-create a peaceful and prosperous planet. The journey would be long and challenging but it is a much needed journey.

The destination will be a peaceful and prosperous planet where we shall feel blessed to be living.

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Dr Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant and specializes in Personal Branding with a holistic touch. He is based in New Delhi, India. His philosophy is “Take charge of your life and your brand.” To learn more about him, click here: http://www.dramitnagpal.co.in/p/about-us.html

Copyright © 2011 – Dr Amit Nagpal. All rights reserved

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Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

Patriarchal systems are breaking down. Top down Communism no longer works. Top down democracy, bought by top down corporations, no longer works. Monarchies and dictatorships are being challenged and overthrown.

Women are waking up and starting to think for themselves. Women are no longer willing to accept the roles into which men have placed them: sex object, subservient wife, mother, cook, housekeeper, babysitter. Women are no longer willing to sit idly by and watch their husbands and sons be slaughtered by other women’s husbands and sons.

As women take back their power, men are waking up, too. They are beginning to respect the awesome female collaborative and cooperative power that can lead our entire planet away from war and violence and into global peace and abundance.

Throughout the world, men and women are aligning to bring about reform. Occupy Wall Street has spread throughout the world, as the 99% challenge the 1% whose decisions have led us to the brink of destruction.

Together, we have allowed the major news media to shape our minds, thoughts and emotions. People are tired of a steady stream of violence, verbal abuse, and news about what’s wrong with the world. Good news media are springing up everywhere to replace the naysayers and spread good news about what is working. People everywhere are seeking a return to sanity, both in their personal worlds and their collective worlds. They are starting to think for themselves so they can release their fear and depression and start taking positive action to turn themselves and our world around.

There are two concepts that can help us understand what’s happening so that together, we can consciously co-create a world that works for all of us. One is holons. The other is Teilhard de Chardin’s Noosphere.

The first concept, that of a holon, can be represented by the image above. If energy is inherent within each circle, and each circle is its own complete system (whether an atom, a cell, a heart, a human being, a planet, etc.), we have a holarchy or perhaps pure democracy or pure communism. Alternatively, we have undivided wholeness, with power and creativity flowing in all directions, top down, bottom up, and all around. Each circle/system is connected to and nestled within other more encompassing circles/systems and all are involved in an energetic exchange that affects each and every part. The challenge is to align them and bring them into harmony and balance. For the past 2,000 years, this was done through patriarchy. How interesting that this image can also be viewed as a hierarchy when the underlying energy is flowing only from the top down.

The second concept is the Noosphere or Teihard de Chardin’s thinking layer of earth. If each miniscule part of a holon is complete in itself and yet connected to all other holons, then each is connected to every other holon at a thinking level beyond itself. The Noosphere might also be referred to as the Akashic Records or the Field.

If we use our words, not to judge and condemn, but simply to share information, there is no right or wrong. There are only creative perspectives. Some perspectives work better than others. Some perspectives are more encompassing and inclusive than others. No perspective is any more encompassing and inclusive than the perspective that everything is perspective.

The perspective that everything is perspective is freeing. The way we see the world is okay. It is also terrifying and humbling. The way others see the world is also okay. If we believe that everything is perspective, we have to listen to and respect others as well as ourselves. We also need to be very aware, conscious, and accountable for all our actions.

There’s a fine line between chaos and heaven on earth. That line is non-violence and awareness. It’s a choice – for each and every one of us.

If you want to be a conscious part of co-creating a planet that works for all, you can get more information or get actively involved here: https://shiftnetwork.infusionsoft.com/go/2012e/WSP/

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Janet Smith Warfield works with wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information about Janet, go to www.janetsmithwarfield.com; www.wordsculpturespublishing.com; www.wordsculptures.com.

Copyright © 2011 – Janet Smith Warfield. All rights reserved.

Two Perspectives on Stereotyping

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

In the increasingly assertive society we live in, it becomes important to choose our words carefully, especially when we stereotype. If I talk of Indian society, we are jam-packed with stereotypes, which are slowly being broken by the pioneers with lots of difficulties and opposition. A woman should be doing X, a lower caste person should do Y; all Punjabis are like this and so on. But unfortunately the same people who get irritated with one stereotype, they believe and talk of other stereotypes.

When women act in a feminist way (getting over-assertive at times), I understand the pain which is behind it and the stereotypes that create that anguish. And on top of that we strongly stereotype, “All North-Indians are like that, all South Indians are like that, all small town people are like that”; in fact the painful list is never ending. I have always requested people to at least replace ‘all people’ with ‘most of the people’. Personally I have been a victim of stereotyping myself, as I do not fit into the traditional definition of Indian male nor do I want to. The metro sexual man who does baby-sitting, who is sensitive rather than macho, who may want romance as part of sex, such a man is still emerging in the Indian society, slowly being recognized by the media at least in metro cities.

Even in the western society where women are now more or less treated as equals, we have books coming, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. If a man has come from Venus to earth, what does he do? If one does not belong to the stereotype, one may feel like a washerman’s dog, who belongs nowhere because a washerman needs a donkey and not dogs. (My due sympathies to all the dogs of the washermen).

Yes stereotypes help us in quick decision making, yes stereotypes still exist practically and cannot be eliminated altogether, but can’t we be a little more sensitive in our language and behavior, so that the people who do not belong to the defined stereotype don’t suffer or end up protesting  (sometimes ending up using violence to avenge years of suppression)? Another simple way is to define qualities rather than people. (It may have its own complications though.) For example each human being is made up of masculine and feminine qualities. Once I jokingly wrote on Facebook, “There are four genders in the society today, male, female, and masculine female and feminine male, so let us not stereotype” In fact it may be difficult to define masculine female because the degree of masculinity may have huge variance.

In a way stereotyping is injustice but then injustice is a part and parcel of our society. It is also the law that when the frustration level due to injustice reaches its peak, it results in violence and revolutions. Sadly, when it comes to stereotyping, the humanity (or should I say most of the humanity rather) needs sensitivity training.

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Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

Of course we can’t completely avoid stereotyping, unless we want to stop talking completely. Words automatically create stereotypes: black versus white, tall versus short, fat versus thin. Words automatically divide and classify our sensory data. Words automatically simplify so we can understand and communicate.

But let’s look for a minute at:

1. The intention behind creating a stereotype
2. The emotional content we give it.
3. The experiential context of the stereotype

If you are in Tampa and ask for directions to Sarasota, your intention is to go from Tampa to Sarasota. Perhaps Paul tells you to drive 60 miles south on I-75 until you see a tall, fat, black post on the left side of the road. Paul is aligned with helping you fulfill your intention. The words, tall, fat and black have no emotional content. The experiential context is giving and receiving information in order to achieve a mutually desired result.

On the other hand, if a murder has been committed in Tampa and the police are looking for a tall, fat, black man because that is the description witnesses have given them, the intention is to catch and restrain a violent man so he doesn’t continue to act out his anger. The experiential context is safety for all members of the community. The emotional content is huge, and it is different for each person involved.

For the victim’s family, it is grief and rage. For the murderer, perhaps it is guilt and fear. For any innocent tall, fat, black man stopped and questioned by the police, it may be frustration, anger, and feelings of victimization and unfair treatment. For the policemen, the intention may simply be to do their job and create a safe community. On the other hand, for some of them, the intention may be cloaked in unconscious anger, vindictiveness, and stereotyping of all tall, fat, black men as bad.

It’s when we separate human from human and project hate, judgment, blame, rage, and vindictiveness out into the world against our fellow man that stereotyping becomes a problem. When our aligned intention is to communicate and collaborate to co-create non-violent communities, there is no negative emotional content, the experiential context is informational, and stereotyping is simply not an issue.

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Janet Smith Warfield works with wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information about Janet, go to www.janetsmithwarfield.com; www.wordsculpturespublishing.com; www.wordsculptures.com.

Copyright © 2011 – Janet Smith Warfield. All rights reserved.

Two Perspectives on Silence

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

“The bell of mindfulness is the voice of the Buddha calling us back to ourselves. We have to respect each sound of the bell, stop our THINKING AND TALKING and get in touch with ourselves, breathing and smiling. This is not the Buddha from the outside. It is our own Buddha calling us home.”

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Bell at Buddhist Shrine, Oahu, Hawaii

Silence. I decided to go myself into silence before I wrote the post. Few minutes of silence and I started to look at silence from a completely new perspective. Why do we equate silence only with verbal silence? Silence can be mental silence, emotional silence and spiritual silence. In fact, in my opinion verbal silence gives peace, mental silence gives joy and spiritual silence gives perfect bliss. Verbal silence gives us an opportunity to do self-reflection and develop deeper understanding of things. Mental silence provides us relaxation and clarity of thought. Emotional silence provides us equanimity and equilibrium. Spiritual silence provides us bliss and enlightenment.

Creative solutions come up in the moments of silence. Silence can even boost our self-esteem and confidence by making us the springs of ideas, solutions and divine inspirations. It is a sad contradiction of human society that we have invented powerful silencers for our vehicles yet our minds are making disturbing and never ending chatter.

If silence is so beautiful, why is the society so afraid of it? Often when we see a silent person, we ask her/him, if anything is disturbing her/him. In the well known book, “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom, the teacher (Morrie) observes fifteen minutes of silence in the class and finds that silence is embarrassing and we find comfort in noise.” Is it true that the more insecure we feel, the more we talk and the more secure we become, we get more and more silent? (Dear Readers, please post your views)

Tony Cuckson, Irish author says, “Human BEings have become human DOings. It is the rhythm, Do, Be, Do, Be.” There is a nice romantic Hindi song, “Kucch na kaho” which roughly translated means, “Don’t say anything, and in fact don’t speak at all. What is there to speak? What is there to hear? You know and I know. The moment has also come to a standstill.” So get into silence for a few minutes and you can romance not only with your beloved but with nature and the divine too.

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Dr Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant and specializes in Personal Branding with a holistic touch. He is based in New Delhi, India. His philosophy is “Take charge of your life and your brand.” To know more about him, click here: http://www.dramitnagpal.co.in/p/about-us.html

Copyright © 2011 – Dr Amit Nagpal. All rights reserved

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Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

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Janet Smith Warfield works with wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information about Janet, go to www.janetsmithwarfield.com; www.wordsculpturespublishing.com; www.wordsculptures.com.

Copyright © 2011 – Janet Smith Warfield. All rights reserved.

Two Perspectives on Piercing the Veil of Word Illusions and Creating Our Own Reality

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

Words do not matter. The meanings do. Words are understood in the context in which they are spoken, the tone which is used, the cultural interpretation added, and bias for/against the individual. With all these factors mixed, our personalized meaning of the words is ready. Words are actually a cocktail.

Two words which have always fascinated me are ‘exploitation’ and ‘love’. While the dictionary says exploitation of resources is positive and should be done, the same dictionary says that exploitation of labor is negative and should not be done. Is labor not a resource?

Love is such a glorified word since the languages began that I am scared of using it even in close relationships. Is humanity not basically selfish and incapable of love, the idealized love, we always talk about? I prefer to use the word ‘care’; it does not create unrealistic expectations. The background which the word ‘love’ carries makes me feel that only a spiritually advanced person has the capacity to love. Ordinary mortals like me don’t. What ordinary mortals do is only an exchange of emotional energy, a business. Maybe when you develop the capacity to truly love, you cannot restrict it to family and close relationships. You will be in love with everything around. You will become a Rumi, a Kabir or a Mother Teresa.

Do words wear the veil of illusions or do we human beings add the veils to them? Words only convey approximate meanings. No wonder lawyers have to work so hard at them. After the lawyer has worked for long hours on refining the language, the opposing lawyer finds a loophole to give a totally different meaning to the same words.

Under such a background, do words matter? To me, they don’t. To me what matters is the meaning hidden behind them, the intentions, the feelings, the emotions, the tones and overtones, the vibrations that they carry. To me what matters is the non-verbal part, the honesty which you can see only in the eyes, the genuineness which you can feel only in the smile, the coldness or warmth which you feel in the vibes that they carry, the underpinnings and overtones which tell more about the sincerity than the words themselves.

The more we clear ourselves of negative energy, the more sensitive we become to the subtleties behind the words.  We develop maybe a seventh sense of reading the intentions, listening to the unspoken messages, smelling the vibrations, tasting the warmth or the coldness behind and feeling the touch of the soul (or soullessness) of the entire communication.

Then only can we create our own reality integrating the words with the environment and comprehending the essence of not just the words but the integrated communication.

If my words do not make any sense to you, please sense what is between the lines, between the words, between the alphabets…..

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Dr. Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant and specializes in Personal Branding with a holistic touch. He is based in New Delhi, India. His philosophy is, “Take charge of your life and your brand.” To know more about him, click here: http://www.dramitnagpal.co.in/p/about-us.html

Copyright © 2011 – Dr Amit Nagpal. All rights reserved

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Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

A Co-Creation Allegory

Imagine you are part of a beautiful moving picture. The picture flows. The story line flows. One scene moves flawlessly into another, and you move with it. You are totally immersed in the flow.

Then suddenly, you bump into a rock or tree or mountain and experience pain. You bump into a monster and experience fear. Your mind wants to understand the pain and fear because you want to control it and stop it. Your mind moves outside the flow and becomes an observer. Your mind has now divided what was once just flow into:

• Flow, and
• You as observer of the flow.

You have eaten of the Tree of Knowledge and been cast out of the Garden of Eden. Your mind has stopped the moving picture at a single frame so you can analyze it, dissect it, understand it, and control it.

Science does this very well. So does orthodox religion. However, each of these is only a single limited understanding within the confines of the single frame they have stopped.

Albert Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

If everything is a dynamic flow of energy, then each one of us is a minuscule part of that energy, all flowing and connected. Rocks are energy. Trees are energy. Cockroaches are energy. Words are energy.

Our minds can artificially stop the flow to try to understand and control it, but all our minds can truly understand is that one single frame on which we are focusing at a particular moment in time. This is understanding of a sort, but it is only partial understanding. Depending on where we stop the moving film and which frame we look at, the perception, dissection and analysis differ. When our minds hold onto any one single frame, any one set of words or symbols as Truth, we remain divided and separated from the energetic flow. When we allow the energy to flow through us, we tune into all that is and become magnificent co-creators of something much larger than any one of us individually.

To know is to know that we don’t know. We can only co-create.

When we shift our beliefs that words say something about an external reality to beliefs that words, for sure, say something about our perceptions of an external reality, we can choose to shift our perceptions to something that works better for both us and everything around us. We all then return to the dynamic energy flow of the Garden of Eden as conscious co-creators.

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Janet Smith Warfield works with wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information about Janet, go to www.janetsmithwarfield.com; www.wordsculpturespublishing.com; www.wordsculptures.com.

Copyright © 2011 – Janet Smith Warfield. All rights reserved.

Two Perspectives on Assertiveness

Two Perspectives is a monthly column with two different perspectives on the same topic from two different continents, cultures, and genders, viz., from

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

First let us understand what assertiveness is after all. We can respond to situations and people in three ways viz. submissive, assertive and aggressive. When we are too gentle (or under-react), it is submissive behavior, when we are too loud/violent (or over-react), it is aggressive behavior and when we have a measured response (the right degree), it is assertive behavior.

The first question which comes to our mind is why we need to assert. Well we need to assert to defend our rights or to claim which is rightfully ours. As human beings we will very often under-react or over-react unless we are conscious and careful to give measured assertive responses. When we are submissive, we will be treated as doormats and our rights may be trampled upon. When we are aggressive, we will make people defensive or irritate them and create an undesirable reputation.

The second question is when we need to assert. We need to assert whenever we face situations or people with whom we need to demand our material rights, space in relationships, individual freedom, legal rights or simply to remind people of their duties. We need to assert in every relationship, be it family, workplace, society, friends, and government and so on. In fact, sometimes with the customers also, who start behaving like dictators rather than kings.

Now the most important question is how we assert. If you are a gentle soul, how can you practice asserting for what is rightfully yours. Here are some exercises you can use.

An assertive person asks, demands, insists and does not expect to get things without asking. Use ‘I’ rather than ‘We’ to show that you are in command.

Whenever you face criticism you don’t agree with, tell the person with conviction that you don’t agree with his views.

Positive self-talk (talking to one self about one’s achievements, past successes etc) can boost one’s confidence and body language resulting in more assertive behaviour.

Practice saying ‘No’ with firmness. Offer an explanation, if necessary but keep it short (to avoid getting defensive).

Just keep in mind that if you don’t learn to assert in life, you may have a feeling of being insecure and a fear that everyone is out to make a fool of you. You may also behave like a cry baby expecting people to understand you and feel bad when you don’t get things you deserve. Once I wrote on Facebook, “Even a mother feeds the baby when the baby cries. Even God comes to your rescue when you remember and remind him. Do not suffer in silence and learn to assert in life.”

Dr Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant and specializes in Personal Branding with a holistic touch. He is based in New Delhi, India. His philosophy is, “Take charge of your life and your brand.” To know more about him, click here

http://www.dramitnagpal.co.in/p/about-us.html

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Janet Smith Warfield Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

Assertiveness, yes. Aggressiveness, no. What is the difference?

Assertiveness is absolutely vital if we want to get our needs met. To be assertive means to express one’s needs to those who may be able to help with no attachment to the results.

Aggressiveness destroys relationships. To be aggressive means to pressure or manipulate someone else into doing what we want them to do, whether they want to or not.

Recently, I purchased a bag of manure at Wal-Mart. It was heavy – more than I could easily lift alone.

I asked one of the Wal-Mart employees if he could help. He said, “Sure. Just drive your car over here to the entrance and I’ll put it in the trunk for you.”

I went to my car and drove to the entrance. The employee had suddenly disappeared. My car was parked in a “No Parking” zone. I sure as heck didn’t want to lift that bag of manure by myself.

Twenty years before, I would either have lifted the bag of manure myself and thrown my back out or stewed and fumed and started thinking evil thoughts about the Wal-Mart employee who had promised to help and then disappeared. Twenty years later, with more maturity, I was willing to be assertive, ask for help, and get a different result.

Two young men, clearly customers, approached the entrance. Both were total strangers. I had never met either of them before in my life.

“Excuse me,” I said to the one with the biggest muscles, arms covered with tattoos. “Would you be able to lift this bag of manure into the trunk of my car for me?”

He pulled back, surprised, but then said “sure,” easily picking it up and depositing it in the trunk of my car.

“Thank you very much.”

“No problem,” he smiled. I could tell he felt good about himself.

By being assertive and asking for help, I avoided the aching back, anger and judgment I would otherwise have experienced. It was a triple win. The Wal-Mart employee won because his supervisor didn’t receive a complaint. The young man won because he’d been able to demonstrate his strength and kindness. I won because I didn’t have to lift the bag of manure.

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Janet Smith Warfield works with wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information about Janet, go to www.wordsculpturespublishing.com; www.wordsculptures.com and www.janetsmithwarfield.com.

Copyright © 2011 – Janet Smith Warfield. All rights reserved. You have permission to copy and use any part or all of this blog provided you retain all credit and copyright information.

Two Perspectives on Fear of Criticism

Two Perspectives is a new monthly column with two different perspectives on the same topic from two different continents, cultures, and genders, viz., from

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

Life offers us two choices, viz., to be secure, anonymous and uncriticized or to take chance at innovation and uniqueness and risk criticism.

There is a famous saying, “I don’t know the road to success but I know the road to failure – trying to please everybody.” Do you like to avoid criticism and try to please everybody? One thing is guaranteed then that you are going to remain the Average Joe or you will belong to the trio of Tom, Dick and Harry, for all great ideas have been initially ridiculed, slowly accepted and finally appreciated as being obvious.

Man is a social animal of course and wants the acceptance of friends, relatives and society. But at what cost do we get the acceptance is an important question, if it comes by killing our very soul, I am doubtful, if it is worth it.

The society tends to criticize anyone who chooses an unusual path and refuses to follow the herd mentality. Sometimes there are genuine reasons and fears behind social criticism for e.g. leaving a secure job and starting your own business. If you have a family to support, the social criticism in some ways is justified as the entire family may have to suffer your decisions. But what if you don’t start the business, kill your soul and become a frustrated person, slowly killing yourself and family members with your negativity?

In management theory, we have something called contingency approach which basically says that every situation is unique and there are no standard answers to problems. The same is true for life, there are no standard solutions. The inner voice generally gives us the best answers (and aided by meditation, it can give us the most wise answers) and we must listen to it. In Hindi there is a saying, “Suno sabki, karo apni” which means we must listen to everyone’s advice but take our own decisions. We know our situation the best, don’t we? Of course the family members’ concerns need to be kept into account while making the critical choices in life.

Due to our fear of criticism, we tend to hide to avoid criticism and thus guarantee failure in our life. We tend to forget that the criticism is of the ideas/ventures and not us. So why care too much? All the greatest people in the world have had their share of flops but they persisted and did not get bowed down by criticism. Edison went to the extent of saying that he did not fail; he only discovered 1000 things which did not work. That’s the spirit of great people, that’s what distinguishes the average from the remarkable.

Seth Godin says, “Nobody says ‘Yeah, I would like to set myself up for some serious criticism.’ And yet the only way to be remarkable is to do just that.” So do you still fear criticism, no problem, just mentally prepare yourself to live an average life. Don’t mind my blunt approach as the writing on the wall says “Brutally Honest, Ruthlessly Frank” Take it or leave it for that’s what I am.

“When you are the first person, whose beliefs are different from what everyone else believes, you are basically saying, “I am right and everyone else is wrong.” That’s a very unpleasant position to be in. It’s at once exhilarating and at the same time an invitation to be attacked.

Larry Ellison, CEO, Oracle Corporation

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To know more about Dr Amit Nagpal go to:

http://www.dramitnagpal.co.in/p/about-us.htm _____________________________________________________________________________________

Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

When I am afraid of criticism, who is the critic: the person out there or the person in here?

When I was fifteen, I overheard a classmate call me “queer.” It felt like a knife through my heart.

I could only think that there must be something dreadfully wrong with me. I was different. Boys rarely asked me out. I wasn’t part of the clique. I liked school and wanted to learn. I got good grades. My parents adored me and my teachers praised me as one of their better students.

Many of my classmates had abusive parents, hated school, hated homework, cracked jokes, gossiped, clowned, dated, and got drunk. Yes, maybe I was queer.

Unconsciously, I absorbed that “queer” label with all its pain and negative connotations. For years, the belief crippled me. My hands shook. I had knots in my stomach. I hid my talents and abilities for fear of offending others. I was afraid to reach out and build friendships. I thought of committing suicide.

I had allowed one foolish little word, spoken by another without thought or conscious intention, to destroy my spirit. I was terrified to be who I was because others might not like me.

I wanted to please others, but I soon noticed that not all people were pleased by the same things. I had a small group of friends who loved to learn. We were the minority, both envied and despised by our classmates. Who was I supposed to please: My friends? Other students? My parents? My teachers? Who was right? Who was wrong? I lived in a hell of confusion, chaos and conflicting doctrines.

Many years later, I began focusing on my own personal growth and what I wanted to do with my life. I attended a workshop where one of the exercises was breaking a board with my hand. The purpose was not an idle exercise in physical strength. The purpose was to overcome fear.

On the near side of the board, we wrote what we were afraid of. On the far side of the board, we wrote what we would have or be if we overcame our fear. On the near side I wrote, “Fear of losing my relationship with my sons if I pursue my vision and purpose.” On the far side, I wrote, “I am going to pursue my vision and purpose and I’m bringing my sons with me into full human potential.”

As I took my stance to break the board, the instructors told us to focus on the far side of the board: what we would have or be if we overcame our fear. My long years of listening to my teachers stood me in good stead. I focused on pursuing my vision and purpose and bringing my sons with me into full human potential. The board snapped. Students who focused on their fears didn’t break the board.

I have been criticized and verbally abused many times. I know now that critical, verbally abusive, judgmental, angry words say nothing about me. They say volumes about the speaker. His energy is blocked. She is powerless and ineffective. How can I feel anything but compassion and forgiveness? That does not mean I must remain in this destructive energy.

I still have moments of fear and contraction when I hear someone’s angry, judgmental words. Now, however, I know how to release the fear so I can function again. All it takes is a simple shift in focus from an outside authority to my own inner authority. For me, that inner authority must be aligned with a Higher Power I have chosen to believe in. My mind can neither understand nor explain it. My experience tells me the belief makes a difference in what I can accomplish.

Is it selfish, arrogant, narcissistic, insane to trust my own inner authority? There go those critical words again, spinning around in my brain.

No! I choose to believe that relying on that inner authority is as sane as any of us is ever going to get. I intend to keep breaking the board of my self-imposed limitations and focusing on the vision beyond.

When I notice an energetic shift in my body into fear and contraction, I simply detach from the speaker’s words, whether that speaker is me or someone else. Then I notice where my mind is. (This is sometimes called the Witness.) I can promise you my mind is either in the future or on what someone else may think, say or do. When I notice where my mind is, I make a conscious choice to bring it back to the present moment. Perhaps I’m in my own living room, my office, or my car. I’m safe there. It’s only my mind that is off on sabbatical, terrorizing me with its fantasies of future catastrophes.

Once I consciously bring my mind back to the present moment, I simply ask, “What is your next step? What can you do right here, right now, to move your vision forward?” Then I do it!

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Janet Smith Warfield works with wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information about Janet, go to

www.janetsmithwarfield.com

www.wordsculpturespublishing.com

www.wordsculptures.com

Copyright © 2011 – Janet Smith Warfield. All rights reserved.