Two Perspectives

Two Perspectives on Loyalty

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Dr. Janet Smith Warfield, Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

The “L” alphabet probably has the most difficult and confusing terms. Love and loyalty are two of them. It is easier to be an opportunist than to be loyal. But loyalty pays you in the long run. It inspires trust, it creates a reputation and it contributes to your personal brand.

Some people even say love and loyalty are the same. So what is the meaning of loyalty? What is the definition of loyalty?

What loyalty means to me

When I say, my friend is loyal to me, it generally means;-

• He considers my enemies as his enemies.
• He will not backbite against me.
• He will protest or argue or defend if someone criticizes me.
• He will be a friend in need.
• He will not publicly complain, even if he has a grudge against me and rather discuss privately.
• He will stand by my side, even if my parents criticize me and will share his opinion with me in private and try to be non-judgmental and yet give me friendly advice or tell me if I am wrong.

Loyalty – another misused word

Should we commit violence and murder in the name of loyalty? Some people cut their fingers in India when their political leaders lose the elections. Is this loyalty? Does being loyal mean emotionally overwhelmed and unstable?

If a man commits murder to loot a person to save his ailing mother, is it loyalty? Many Hindi (Indian) films have similar dilemmas. Were those Indians who were loyal to the British Empire traitors to the nation? I am leaving for the readers to decide. Nothing is right or wrong. Our inner voice knows what is wrong and right in that particular situation.

How do we learn loyalty?

I think we learn loyalty mainly from our parents and their behavior. Of course, perceptions and behavior relating to loyalty among friends, relatives, siblings and teachers also influence us. It is also possible you may be influenced more by your grandparent than your parent and he/she being your role model becomes the role model for loyalty too.

Clash of loyalties

A woman should be more loyal to husband or parents? The question is as difficult to answer as whether an Indian NRI in USA should be more loyal to India or to United States. My personal opinion is to be equally loyal, for the native country, you have emotional loyalty and for the country of residence, you need to have logical loyalty (it is feeding you and in India we say, you have to be loyal to the salt). Over a period of time if the husband is very caring or the country of residence gives you a very caring environment, you will develop emotional loyalty to husband or the country of residence.

True loyalty

The most difficult loyalty is the loyalty to truth or God. It is easier to be loyal to human relationships but difficult to stay loyal to the right, to the truth or to the conscience.

Our inner voice also wants us to be loyal to truth. But it is easier said than done.

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Dr. Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant, passionate Blogger, and Motivational Speaker based in New Delhi, India. He specializes in personal branding with a holistic touch. His philosophy is “Take Charge of your Life and your Brand” He writes a Blog, “The Joys of Teaching”

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Dr. Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

Encarta Dictionary defines loyalty as “a feeling of devotion, duty, or attachment to somebody or something.” But who is that “somebody” or “something” to which we feel devotion, duty or attachment? And to what extent should we carry out that devotion, duty and attachment? And what do we do when we experience a conflict of loyalties? These are not easy questions.

As children, we are very attached to our parents, regardless of whether they are loving or abusive. We have little choice, because we depend on them for our food, clothing, and shelter.

As we grow, we begin to make friends. Why do we choose some over others? Isn’t it because we meet each others’ needs and we feel comfortable in each others’ presence? Here there is a reciprocity of loyalty.

As we reach adulthood, we begin to look for a mate. How do we decide who is worthy of our loyalty for a lifetime commitment? If we choose well, we marry someone who is kind, loving, sensitive, strong, compassionate, and communicative – someone with whom we can build a true marriage of values. If we make a mistake, we choose someone who has affairs, doesn’t carry his or her share of responsibilities, and isn’t there for our children.

And how do we handle a conflict of loyalties? Our parents want us to study medicine and become a doctor. Our spouse wants us to study law. Our heart tells us our happiness lies with art.

We don’t always know when we first meet a new person how loyal and trustworthy he or she will be. It is only when we feel betrayed that we realize we chose to place our loyalty with someone who didn’t deserve it. Do we stay with this person for the sake of loyalty, or do we leave a relationship where loyalty is not mutual?

What about loyalty to our country? A young man is drafted to fight for his country and trained to kill other young men. In some countries, his only choice is to kill or be killed. Is this the proper place to put his loyalty? Or should he become a conscientious objector? Becoming a conscientious objector may be a far more courageous choice than being loyal to a dictator.

William E. Gladstone wrote, “… in freedom you lay the firmest foundations both of loyalty and order.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Trust your instinct to the end, though you can render no reason.”

Perhaps our first loyalty should be to ourselves and whatever God or Higher Power or Universal Energy we believe in. Be true to yourself and you will be loyal to those people and causes that have earned your loyalty.

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Dr. Janet Smith Warfield serves wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. To learn more, see www.wordsculptures.com, www.wordsculpturespublishing.com, www.janetsmithwarfield.com

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Two Perspectives on Love

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

When we say, “I love you”, most of us are actually saying, “I need emotional energy. Do you also need it? Can we exchange it?” Some of us will say, “So what is wrong, everything is give and take in this world.” And others will say, “Sadly this is true, even love has become a business of emotions.”

I am a true Libran and I am always trying to achieve that delicate balance (though I may not succeed all the time). On one hand I agree there is no harm in give and take (In fact my favorite Hindi song Sach mere yaar hai has a similar tone) and it is difficult for a human being to love someone who does not love you in return. On the other hand if every time you tell your loved one, “See I have done this for you and now you must do this for me in return, it can become a very logical love.” Love is of course a very beautiful emotion which should not get too logical.

Business of love

For most of us love is a business where we invest emotional energy to get equal emotional energy in return. I sometimes jokingly use the management term ‘Return on investment’ or ROI. Though our economies keep on fluctuating between recession and boom, I think love in this world has been in the depression stage for quite some time. The return on the investment on love has become very low. The next thing which immediately strikes our mind is, “Does unconditional love exist in today’s world?”

Unconditional love

I once posted on Facebook, “Since you have met my conditions, now I shall give you unconditional love and the human story goes on.” Sadly this is the true state of affairs. Mothers in particular and parents in general do give us unconditional love to their children but the duration and intensity of the unconditional love is being questioned in the society now. So why is LOVE disappearing into thin air?

Love in a materialistic world

As our greed for material becomes stronger and stronger, the life span of love becomes shorter and shorter. “Kab aata hai, kab jaata hai…” Love comes and goes but as long as it stays it takes you through a heavenly experience. Since the world has become too materialistic, the relationships have become too vulnerable. But we need to remember, the less love we get, the more we try to feed our insecurities with money and material. Money can never give the lasting happiness which loving relationships can. But our greed for money and increasing distrust in the negative society we live in has created a question mark on the status of love.

Is true love possible?

Love is a much glorified word and is probably the most misused word in the world. I am reminded of a famous quote which is probably true for love too, “Love is dead. Long live love.” The base human feelings of selfishness must be conquered first to be able to love someone. In fact my experience has been, you should be either too mature or too spiritual to develop the capacity to love truly.

Though love is a very broad word and covers love for living and non-living things but love in a narrow sense is used for life partner. In fact as the society evolves, we will move from the concept of life partner to life purpose partner. When we discover our deepest passion and life purpose we would want a life purpose partner who supports us in our mission. That’s why they say, “Love is not looking into each other’s eyes but looking together in the same direction.”

I remember receiving a beautiful New Year message from a friend sometime back, “Faith makes all things possible, hope makes all things work and love makes all things beautiful.” We have moved from love to business of love and now to tamasha of love. Will love stage a comeback in the society? Is there a hope in the near future? Will we achieve a delicate balance between love and money, emotion and material? I am keenly awaiting your answers.

Inspiring Quotes on Love

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.

-Lao Tzu

‎A man travels all over the World to find what he needs and returns home to find it

-George Moore

_____________________________________________________________________________________ Dr. Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant, passionate Blogger, and Motivational Speaker based in New Delhi, India. He specializes in personal branding with a holistic touch. His philosophy is “Take Charge of your Life and your Brand” _______________________________________________________________________________

Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

What is love?

Yesterday, in preparation for writing this blog, I reread Plato’s Symposium. In the Symposium, Socrates and his friends, Phaedrus, Pausanias, Eryximachus, Aristophanes, and Agathon take turns conversing about love. Their offerings end with a dialog between Socrates and Socrates speaking as Diotema, a wise woman of Mantineia, who was Socrates’ instructress about love.

Phaedrus speaks of love as being courageous, true, and honorable – a willingness to die for another.

Pausanias differentiates between heavenly love and earthly love. Heavenly love has a noble purpose, is faithful to the end, and has no shadow of lust. Earthly love is a coarser kind of love – love only of the body.

Eryximachus, the physician, focuses on the reconciliation or harmony which unites opposites. Love which is just and temperate has the greatest power and is the source of happiness.

Aristophanes professes that love is the desire for the whole. The pursuit of the whole, or reconciliation with God, is called love.

Agathon states that love dwells in the hearts and souls of men and can neither do nor suffer wrong. Where there is love, there is obedience. Where there is obedience, there is justice. Love is temperate, courageous, and wise.

Then Socrates, speaking as Diotema, dialoging with Socrates himself, begins his discourse by saying that his friends have spoken only what is good about love and not what is true about love. Socrates speaking as Diotema continues by saying that love is the son of Plenty and Poverty, both full and squalid; a mean between ignorance and knowledge, neither mortal nor immortal, never in want and never in wealth. Love interprets between gods and men. Love desires birth in beauty and the everlasting possession of the good – immortality in a mortal creature through the creation and invention of conceptions of wisdom and virtue.

The discourse is interrupted by Alcibiades, a drunken and disappointed lover of Socrates, who joins in the discourse to sing the praises of Socrates, proclaiming him a great speaker and enchanter who ravishes the souls of men and convinces their hearts. Alcibiades has suffered agonies from Socrates and is at his wit’s end. He relates Socrates’ superior powers of enduring cold and fatigue and how Socrates saved Alcibiades’ life. Socrates is the most wonderful of human beings and also a satyr. He uses the commonest words as masks for divine truths.

And then, this morning, as I was luxuriating in bed, pondering what I had read the day before and asking myself, “Well, what is love anyway?” I found myself challenged by the words with which to express the experience. We all know love when we experience it, but how can we create the words to describe it? The words can only point to the experience. They cannot accurately communicate it.

I loved my parents, even though they mistakenly guided me into physical marriage and only partially into being the creative being that I am. I loved the father of my children, even though he brought suffering into my life through an affair. I know what it feels like to love a soul mate and then be brutally abused by him. I love being immersed in beautiful sunsets, fine art, mountain waterfalls, and angelic choirs.

So what is love?

For me, it is simply a state of creative being, a dynamic energetic flow, a creative life force, constantly shifting in form as I dance my own dance of consciousness with the other life forms around me. It is the conscious choice to be the divine and support the manifestation of the divine in everything around me.

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Janet Smith Warfield works with wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information about Janet, go to www.janetsmithwarfield.com; www.wordsculpturespublishing.com;   www.wordsculptures.com.

Copyright © 2011 – Janet Smith Warfield. All rights reserved.