Two Perspectives on Speaking Our Own Truth

Dec 11
2011
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Two Perspectives on Releasing Social Filters and Speaking from the Truth of Who We Are

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

I have suffered a lot in life because I have refused to use filters. Maybe I was born brutally honest and ruthlessly frank!

There have been times when I have told women to their face, “Yes you are looking fat” (when they asked for my opinion). Well that’s my opinion, take it or leave it. I don’t claim to be telling the truth all the time, but yes I am telling my version of the truth, what seems true to me.

Inspired by Gandhi, but a bit more complicated, my autobiography will be entitled, “My Experiments with Complete Truth, Ruthless Frankness and Brutal Honesty.” If I survive for the next 20 years, I will write a brutally honest autobiography. I will tell my version of truth, my failures, my successes, my troubles, my self-inflicted suffering. I don’t care whether people will be interested in reading it; I will write it to give vent to whatever emotions have been trapped inside me due to social filters, and I will write it for myself.

Sometimes I have wondered, “Do people really want to know the truth? Or do they prefer sweet lies and diplomacy? Have I paid too high a price for my brutal honesty? Do Indian and eastern cultures like filters and do not respect straight forwardness? Is there some lack of inner confidence which makes us look for sweet lies and reject bitter truth? Is life already too bitter and we should not make it more bitter by truths?”

I still believe we need to develop inner confidence to speak and hear the truth. In the short term, lies can be sweet. But if I tell an ugly woman, “You look beautiful”, will it change the facts? Will I not spoil my own brand and credibility in the process and give her false hopes? But I also believe, if you have inner beauty it will reflect on your face and will make you beautiful (though not in the traditional sense of the term).

In the long run, truth is always better. But in this fast paced world, who is bothered about the long run?

Anyway, I will try to be kindly honest now.

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Dr. Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant, passionate Blogger, and Motivational Speaker based in New Delhi, India. He specializes in personal branding with a holistic touch. His philosophy is “Take Charge of your Life and your Brand” He writes a Blog, “The Joys of Teaching”

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Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

“Mom, most people function with filters. You don’t.” My oldest son offered this observation after an emotionally-charged family phone conference where my youngest son hung up on us, offended by a remark I had made.

I thought a moment and agreed. “No, I don’t use filters.” I speak my truth from the core of who I am, right here, right now, in this present moment, with these people, surrounded by this environment. It is a unique moment carrying its own energy. I am not willing to mask and distort the energy of who I am with people I love, even when it hurts. I want intimacy in as many relationships as possible.

Yet there are times when I do use filters. I use them when discernment and previous experience have shown me there are people I cannot trust to care for my welfare as they would care for their own. Then I need to use filters to protect both them and me.

Can my truth of the moment change? Absolutely and often quickly when others are also speaking without filters from the core of their own beings. They offer me a perspective I might not previously have thought of or additional information I didn’t previously have.

I do know that speaking from my unfiltered core upsets people who only feel comfortable operating through filters. Is it because I’ve lived every single one of those filters myself and know them well from the inside out? Because I’ve lived them, I can penetrate them. That’s threatening for people who believe their filter is Truth.

My youngest son had commented that there were consequences to my speech and actions. I know that and don’t take either speech or action lightly. But are he and his wife aware that there are also consequences to their speech and actions? Eastern religions call it karma.

So how do we move forward in relationship and collaboration when one person needs filters and the other is functioning from the core of who they are? There’s clearly a misalignment of communication and energies. Intimacy is not possible when people function from filters, although etiquette and polite conversation certainly are.

“I consider myself a pretty good mediator,” my oldest son said, “but I don’t know where to go from here.” Neither did I.

“I think I am simply going to stop taking initiative and stop seeking out relationships with people who need filters,” I said. “If and when they want intimacy, I’m here.” I can still love them. I can pray and meditate for all of us when we’re stuck in our conditioned filters. I can even just keep my mouth shut when I’m around people stuck in filters. But is it worth the price?

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Janet Smith Warfield works with wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information about Janet, go to www.janetsmithwarfield.com; www.wordsculpturespublishing.com; and www.wordsculptures.com.

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Copyright © 2011 – Janet Smith Warfield. All rights reserved.

 

Written by admin in: Assertiveness, Collaboration, Credibility, Energy, Gandhi, Honesty, Intimacy, Karma, Social filters, Suffering, Truth |

Assertiveness – Why, When and How? – Two Perspectives

Jun 11
2011
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Two Perspectives on Assertiveness

Two Perspectives is a monthly column with two different perspectives on the same topic from two different continents, cultures, and genders, viz., from

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal.
Dr. Amit Nagpal Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

First let us understand what assertiveness is after all. We can respond to situations and people in three ways viz. submissive, assertive and aggressive. When we are too gentle (or under-react), it is submissive behavior, when we are too loud/violent (or over-react), it is aggressive behavior and when we have a measured response (the right degree), it is assertive behavior.

The first question which comes to our mind is why we need to assert. Well we need to assert to defend our rights or to claim which is rightfully ours. As human beings we will very often under-react or over-react unless we are conscious and careful to give measured assertive responses. When we are submissive, we will be treated as doormats and our rights may be trampled upon. When we are aggressive, we will make people defensive or irritate them and create an undesirable reputation.

The second question is when we need to assert. We need to assert whenever we face situations or people with whom we need to demand our material rights, space in relationships, individual freedom, legal rights or simply to remind people of their duties. We need to assert in every relationship, be it family, workplace, society, friends, and government and so on. In fact, sometimes with the customers also, who start behaving like dictators rather than kings.

Now the most important question is how we assert. If you are a gentle soul, how can you practice asserting for what is rightfully yours. Here are some exercises you can use.

An assertive person asks, demands, insists and does not expect to get things without asking. Use ‘I’ rather than ‘We’ to show that you are in command.

Whenever you face criticism you don’t agree with, tell the person with conviction that you don’t agree with his views.

Positive self-talk (talking to one self about one’s achievements, past successes etc) can boost one’s confidence and body language resulting in more assertive behaviour.

Practice saying ‘No’ with firmness. Offer an explanation, if necessary but keep it short (to avoid getting defensive).

Just keep in mind that if you don’t learn to assert in life, you may have a feeling of being insecure and a fear that everyone is out to make a fool of you. You may also behave like a cry baby expecting people to understand you and feel bad when you don’t get things you deserve. Once I wrote on Facebook, “Even a mother feeds the baby when the baby cries. Even God comes to your rescue when you remember and remind him. Do not suffer in silence and learn to assert in life.”

Dr Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant and specializes in Personal Branding with a holistic touch. He is based in New Delhi, India. His philosophy is, “Take charge of your life and your brand.” To know more about him, click here

http://www.dramitnagpal.co.in/p/about-us.html

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Janet Smith WarfieldJanet Smith Warfield Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

Assertiveness, yes. Aggressiveness, no. What is the difference?

Assertiveness is absolutely vital if we want to get our needs met. To be assertive means to express one’s needs to those who may be able to help with no attachment to the results.

Aggressiveness destroys relationships. To be aggressive means to pressure or manipulate someone else into doing what we want them to do, whether they want to or not.

Recently, I purchased a bag of manure at Wal-Mart. It was heavy – more than I could easily lift alone.

I asked one of the Wal-Mart employees if he could help. He said, “Sure. Just drive your car over here to the entrance and I’ll put it in the trunk for you.”

I went to my car and drove to the entrance. The employee had suddenly disappeared. My car was parked in a “No Parking” zone. I sure as heck didn’t want to lift that bag of manure by myself.

Twenty years before, I would either have lifted the bag of manure myself and thrown my back out or stewed and fumed and started thinking evil thoughts about the Wal-Mart employee who had promised to help and then disappeared. Twenty years later, with more maturity, I was willing to be assertive, ask for help, and get a different result.

Two young men, clearly customers, approached the entrance. Both were total strangers. I had never met either of them before in my life.

“Excuse me,” I said to the one with the biggest muscles, arms covered with tattoos. “Would you be able to lift this bag of manure into the trunk of my car for me?”

He pulled back, surprised, but then said “sure,” easily picking it up and depositing it in the trunk of my car.

“Thank you very much.”

“No problem,” he smiled. I could tell he felt good about himself.

By being assertive and asking for help, I avoided the aching back, anger and judgment I would otherwise have experienced. It was a triple win. The Wal-Mart employee won because his supervisor didn’t receive a complaint. The young man won because he’d been able to demonstrate his strength and kindness. I won because I didn’t have to lift the bag of manure.

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Janet Smith Warfield works with wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information about Janet, go to www.wordsculpturespublishing.com; www.wordsculptures.com and www.janetsmithwarfield.com.

Copyright © 2011 – Janet Smith Warfield. All rights reserved. You have permission to copy and use any part or all of this blog provided you retain all credit and copyright information.

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