Two Perspectives

Two Perspectives on Moving from Fear to Compassion

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

We stay in a state of fear most of the time – the fear of hurting our body, the fear of getting hurt in love, the fear of failure, the fear of not meeting goals at work, the fear of losing our job and so on. Most of the time our fears are expressions of emotional baggage because we expect the past experience to repeat itself. ‘Once bitten, twice shy’ has a very interesting equivalent in Hindi which means the one who got burnt by hot milk drinks even cold buttermilk with caution.

Someone has rightly said, Fear or F.E.A.R. stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Most of the time our fears are imaginary. Sometimes we may have deep rooted fears also, which we try to overcome very hard but fail again and again. Let’s say every time a blind person tries to walk on his own, he gets hurt. He has a very justified reason for fear. But still if one persists, tries to learn from the experience and acts with determination, fear can be overcome most of the time.

The well known book by Dale Carnegie, “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” forces us to reflect. Firstly worry arises from fear and when you live with fear, you are not living fully. Secondly when you release the fear (after becoming aware of your fears), then only you can start living a truly joyful life.

How do we release fears and move from fear to compassion. We need to replace each thought of fear with compassion. Let us take few examples. Supposing you have a fear of dogs. Just remember that positive vibrations tend to invite positive vibrations in return. Look at the dogs with compassion. As you replace your fearful thoughts with compassionate thoughts, you will notice that the dogs will stop barking at you or become less aggressive.

Let us take another example. Many people have a fear of crime in developing countries. Have you ever realized that when you send vibrations of fear, you may attract more crime or thieves? After all the fear will be often visible in your face/body language and will give hints to the wrong people that you are feeling scared. Once a client asked me, “If I become a good human being, aren’t people more likely to misuse me?” I replied, “First become a smart human being and then become a good human being.”

Moving to compassion does not mean becoming compassionate to criminals and thieves. (In fact that is also possible but at a very advanced stage.) But an average person needs to become smart enough so that the tendency of fear of being cheated or fooled comes down. As a result it becomes easier for us to be compassionate and even develop a strong sense of intuition and recognizing the negative vibes in people.

Filling ourselves with positive emotions of gratitude for the universe is very helpful in moving from fear to compassion. I once posted on Facebook, “The universe wants its abundance to flow freely. We only, block it with negative thoughts, lack of faith and often due to lack of gratitude. If we are not grateful to universe for what we have already received, what is the guarantee that we will be grateful, if we get more?”

Our attitude towards problems and challenges is critical to let the fear go. We need to understand that ups and downs are part of life and life cannot be a straight line. As the joke goes, “The only time ECG graph is a straight line is when you are dead.”

Here is a nice video on fear and worry from Robin Sharma, the well known leadership guru and motivational speaker.

How to Defeat Worry

So stop acting with fear and start acting with compassion.

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Dr. Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant, passionate Blogger, and Motivational Speaker based in New Delhi, India. He specializes in personal branding with a holistic touch. His philosophy is “Take Charge of your Life and your Brand” He writes a Blog, “The Joys of Teaching”

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Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

As I walked into the personal growth workshop, the facilitators asked me what I hoped to gain from the weekend. I knew that answer. I desperately wanted to release my fear.

I was afraid of what other people might think, what other people might do, conflict, losing relationships, being different, making a fool of myself. I had been betrayed many times. I was afraid to trust. Most of all, I was afraid of my fear.

As the workshop began, the facilitators asked us to make four commitments: don’t chew gum, don’t interrupt, be on time, and do whatever we were told.

I had no problem with the first three requests. I never chewed gum, I didn’t often speak in front of strangers, and being punctual mattered.

However, I had a problem with the last request—doing whatever we were told. History had taught me that humans had ordered other humans to rape, pillage, steal, and kill.

I was conflicted. I didn’t want to agree. On the other hand, I wanted to learn how to release my fear, and I was afraid of being different and losing the workshop I had paid to attend. Reluctantly, I said yes.

My decision nagged me all week as I waited for the second workshop to begin. I knew the facilitators would demand the same four commitments. Was I going to cave in again and agree? I decided I was not. I was terrified.

Sleepless night after sleepless night, I tossed and turned. What would the facilitators say? How would the other participants act? How should I prepare? My what-ifs continued to torment me.

Fortunately, I had had several years in NarAnon, a support group for families and friends of addicts. NarAnon had taught me I couldn’t fix anyone else. I could only fix myself. NarAnon taught that I needed the help of a Power greater than myself. It suggested “Let go and let God.”

I didn’t much like that word “God.” It always made me think of an old man with a long white beard, sitting on a thundercloud with a lightening bolt in his hand, waiting to strike me dead if I didn’t do some unclear thing he wanted me to do. I had always considered myself an intellectual agnostic.

I did like the words “Power greater than myself” better than the word “God.” However, I had to deal with my terror somehow, I couldn’t do it by myself, and I didn’t have time to engage in the niceties of semantics.

Tears streaming down my face, I threw myself to my knees on the living room floor and pleaded, “God help me!”

Suddenly, a magnificent calm flooded my body. Together, I knew we could handle it.

The second workshop began. Again, the facilitators asked us to make the four commitments. I refused to agree to do whatever I was told.

The room turned surly. The facilitators said the workshop could not continue until every one agreed. Ultimately, they walked out, leaving me alone with a furious group of participants.

Bill had taken time off from work to attend the workshop. Jane was paying for a babysitter so that she could attend. Raymond slammed his fist on the table. Mary screamed in my face. John called me an uncooperative bitch. I felt nothing but compassion and love.

The facilitators returned and asked me to leave the workshop. It no longer mattered. I had received exactly what I came to get—release of my fear.

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Janet Smith Warfield serves wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information, see www.janetsmithwarfield.com; www.wordsculpturespublishing.com; and www.wordsculptures.com.

Two Perspectives on Love

Dr. Amit Nagpal, New Delhi, India, and

Janet Smith Warfield, J.D., Florida, USA

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Dr. Amit Nagpal’s Perspective

When we say, “I love you”, most of us are actually saying, “I need emotional energy. Do you also need it? Can we exchange it?” Some of us will say, “So what is wrong, everything is give and take in this world.” And others will say, “Sadly this is true, even love has become a business of emotions.”

I am a true Libran and I am always trying to achieve that delicate balance (though I may not succeed all the time). On one hand I agree there is no harm in give and take (In fact my favorite Hindi song Sach mere yaar hai has a similar tone) and it is difficult for a human being to love someone who does not love you in return. On the other hand if every time you tell your loved one, “See I have done this for you and now you must do this for me in return, it can become a very logical love.” Love is of course a very beautiful emotion which should not get too logical.

Business of love

For most of us love is a business where we invest emotional energy to get equal emotional energy in return. I sometimes jokingly use the management term ‘Return on investment’ or ROI. Though our economies keep on fluctuating between recession and boom, I think love in this world has been in the depression stage for quite some time. The return on the investment on love has become very low. The next thing which immediately strikes our mind is, “Does unconditional love exist in today’s world?”

Unconditional love

I once posted on Facebook, “Since you have met my conditions, now I shall give you unconditional love and the human story goes on.” Sadly this is the true state of affairs. Mothers in particular and parents in general do give us unconditional love to their children but the duration and intensity of the unconditional love is being questioned in the society now. So why is LOVE disappearing into thin air?

Love in a materialistic world

As our greed for material becomes stronger and stronger, the life span of love becomes shorter and shorter. “Kab aata hai, kab jaata hai…” Love comes and goes but as long as it stays it takes you through a heavenly experience. Since the world has become too materialistic, the relationships have become too vulnerable. But we need to remember, the less love we get, the more we try to feed our insecurities with money and material. Money can never give the lasting happiness which loving relationships can. But our greed for money and increasing distrust in the negative society we live in has created a question mark on the status of love.

Is true love possible?

Love is a much glorified word and is probably the most misused word in the world. I am reminded of a famous quote which is probably true for love too, “Love is dead. Long live love.” The base human feelings of selfishness must be conquered first to be able to love someone. In fact my experience has been, you should be either too mature or too spiritual to develop the capacity to love truly.

Though love is a very broad word and covers love for living and non-living things but love in a narrow sense is used for life partner. In fact as the society evolves, we will move from the concept of life partner to life purpose partner. When we discover our deepest passion and life purpose we would want a life purpose partner who supports us in our mission. That’s why they say, “Love is not looking into each other’s eyes but looking together in the same direction.”

I remember receiving a beautiful New Year message from a friend sometime back, “Faith makes all things possible, hope makes all things work and love makes all things beautiful.” We have moved from love to business of love and now to tamasha of love. Will love stage a comeback in the society? Is there a hope in the near future? Will we achieve a delicate balance between love and money, emotion and material? I am keenly awaiting your answers.

Inspiring Quotes on Love

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.

-Lao Tzu

‎A man travels all over the World to find what he needs and returns home to find it

-George Moore

_____________________________________________________________________________________ Dr. Amit Nagpal is a Personal Branding Consultant, passionate Blogger, and Motivational Speaker based in New Delhi, India. He specializes in personal branding with a holistic touch. His philosophy is “Take Charge of your Life and your Brand” _______________________________________________________________________________

Janet Smith Warfield’s Perspective

What is love?

Yesterday, in preparation for writing this blog, I reread Plato’s Symposium. In the Symposium, Socrates and his friends, Phaedrus, Pausanias, Eryximachus, Aristophanes, and Agathon take turns conversing about love. Their offerings end with a dialog between Socrates and Socrates speaking as Diotema, a wise woman of Mantineia, who was Socrates’ instructress about love.

Phaedrus speaks of love as being courageous, true, and honorable – a willingness to die for another.

Pausanias differentiates between heavenly love and earthly love. Heavenly love has a noble purpose, is faithful to the end, and has no shadow of lust. Earthly love is a coarser kind of love – love only of the body.

Eryximachus, the physician, focuses on the reconciliation or harmony which unites opposites. Love which is just and temperate has the greatest power and is the source of happiness.

Aristophanes professes that love is the desire for the whole. The pursuit of the whole, or reconciliation with God, is called love.

Agathon states that love dwells in the hearts and souls of men and can neither do nor suffer wrong. Where there is love, there is obedience. Where there is obedience, there is justice. Love is temperate, courageous, and wise.

Then Socrates, speaking as Diotema, dialoging with Socrates himself, begins his discourse by saying that his friends have spoken only what is good about love and not what is true about love. Socrates speaking as Diotema continues by saying that love is the son of Plenty and Poverty, both full and squalid; a mean between ignorance and knowledge, neither mortal nor immortal, never in want and never in wealth. Love interprets between gods and men. Love desires birth in beauty and the everlasting possession of the good – immortality in a mortal creature through the creation and invention of conceptions of wisdom and virtue.

The discourse is interrupted by Alcibiades, a drunken and disappointed lover of Socrates, who joins in the discourse to sing the praises of Socrates, proclaiming him a great speaker and enchanter who ravishes the souls of men and convinces their hearts. Alcibiades has suffered agonies from Socrates and is at his wit’s end. He relates Socrates’ superior powers of enduring cold and fatigue and how Socrates saved Alcibiades’ life. Socrates is the most wonderful of human beings and also a satyr. He uses the commonest words as masks for divine truths.

And then, this morning, as I was luxuriating in bed, pondering what I had read the day before and asking myself, “Well, what is love anyway?” I found myself challenged by the words with which to express the experience. We all know love when we experience it, but how can we create the words to describe it? The words can only point to the experience. They cannot accurately communicate it.

I loved my parents, even though they mistakenly guided me into physical marriage and only partially into being the creative being that I am. I loved the father of my children, even though he brought suffering into my life through an affair. I know what it feels like to love a soul mate and then be brutally abused by him. I love being immersed in beautiful sunsets, fine art, mountain waterfalls, and angelic choirs.

So what is love?

For me, it is simply a state of creative being, a dynamic energetic flow, a creative life force, constantly shifting in form as I dance my own dance of consciousness with the other life forms around me. It is the conscious choice to be the divine and support the manifestation of the divine in everything around me.

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Janet Smith Warfield works with wisdom-seekers who want understanding and clarity so they can live peaceful, powerful, prosperous lives. Through her unique combination of holistic, creative, right-brain transformational experiences and 22 years of rigorous, left-brain law practice, she has learned how to sculpt words in atypical ways to shift her listeners into experiences beyond words, transforming turmoil into inner peace. For more information about Janet, go to www.janetsmithwarfield.com; www.wordsculpturespublishing.com;   www.wordsculptures.com.

Copyright © 2011 – Janet Smith Warfield. All rights reserved.