(This is the final half of the blog begun on November 16, 2012.)
While a few men know how to court a woman, far too many men see women as a one time conquest that simply increases their bonding ability and respect from other men. “Score!”
A man can always walk away after satisfying his sexual need. A woman who becomes pregnant never can. She then carries the full responsibility for nurturing the child, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, and often with an added societal burden of judgment and blame and the consequential internal feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-esteem.
A man who fully respects a woman and wants her to bear his seed and provide him with offspring, makes a commitment to protect and provide for her so that together they can nurture, guide, rear, and protect their children. Without a protector and provider, the woman simply cannot do her own job well. She needs a very safe and physically comfortable nest in which to rear their offspring.
Is it this same almost uncontrollable biological sex drive that drives married men like President Kennedy, President Clinton, and General Petreaus to become sexually involved with women other than their wives? The man sees no harm in what he is doing. He may see it as a one-time fling or simply an affair. My friend commented that every woman with whom he had ever had sex was an angel.
The male involved in an extramarital affair still loves the mother of his children and takes for granted that she will always be there for him – to cook, clean, wash his socks and babysit the children. But his wife knows at a deep gut level about his affair. His involvement with the other woman changes his energy and therefore changes the energy of the marital relationship. His mind is elsewhere. He is less attentive to wife and children. He is less present in the relationship. While the man’s involvement with the other woman may transform and expand him personally, it simultaneously destroys (impurifies, adulterates, ruins) the energy of the original male/female relationship on which the health of the entire family depends.
Once the children have grown up and left home, the woman has lost 25 years of her life that otherwise might have been spent developing financial skills, building assets, and expanding business acumen. Her only skills are cooking, cleaning, gardening, and babysitting. By that time her husband may have developed a fabulous career, be making lots of money, traveling around the world, and associating with many more interesting people. If his sexual drive then pulls him into the arms of a fascinating woman from whose sexual charms and magnetism he cannot release himself, his wife will go through denial, disbelief, emotional anguish, loss of trust, rage, and ultimately, she’ll leave – forever. Then she’ll sue him for as much money as she can get. Faced with the challenge of reconstructing her life, she must make a living in a world where women are financially disadvantaged, heal her feelings of low self-esteem, victimhood, rage, being used, not being respected and appreciated, and her total distrust of men.
If the male and female biological differences are real and the needs very different, how do we consciously reconcile them? Or don’t we?
December 11th, 2012 at 3:33 pm
Once upon a time, when the Earth was brand new, many people arrived from different star systems. The Supreme Creator instructed the “Star People” in a “Divine Plan.” Involved in this plan was the sacred feminine and sacred masculine. Mother held great position as co-creator, life giver. There was no word for fear, thus the communities thrived, medicine people freely aided the people, nature was in balance, and we were all ONE! Great celebration was held for each child born after the original people arrived. The people were happy and lived in harmony with all creation never forgetting their promise to be caretakers of Mother Earth. Then something went terribly wrong.
Many elders speak of the “Evil Ones”, those fallen out of enlightenment, who challenged the Supreme Creator for control of the planet. A great war took place. Humanity lost. The power of the feminine, the “Light”, left Earth. When the “Light” left, a group of ruthless, power hungry, war mongers, church fathers, aristocrats and “Evil Ones” raped, looted, murdered and have nearly destroyed our sacred Mother Earth, and the true creation story for centuries. However, millions of people are joining in the “shift”, a new consciousness. In our “New World” real men are emerging, who respect and embrace the sacred feminine. Put on your best hat, ladies, we have arrived.
December 11th, 2012 at 3:52 pm
Yes, it’s so beautiful to see sensitive, strong, caring, spiritual men step forward to protect the divine feminine. Guys, we need and appreciate you.
December 11th, 2012 at 5:43 pm
Men that are strong enough in their own sexuality, and not afraid to wear a pink shirt! Creative and sensitive, fathers who take their sons to the opera, teach them to dance, and are not ashamed to cry when they see a sad movie.
Men who honor love making as one of the most sacred communions between two people. Men who take responsibility for their own sperm; and fathers that teach their sons about the dangers of being promiscuous.
The discussion between sons and fathers from generation to generation as a sacred dialogue. Babies are not mistakes you can walk away from. No one in the “New World” would behave so uncivilized.
And finally new pharmaceutical products that men take for birth control.
December 12th, 2012 at 12:02 pm
If the male and female biological differences are real and the needs very different, how do we consciously reconcile them? Or don’t we?
We do.In the early days of humanity on this plane, the overriding goal for both sexes was Survival of the Species. This meant that males developed good eyesight and could identify a female in estrous from a distance, and gallop to her across the tundra to impregnate her.
Our earthly condition has changed. We now deal with overpopulation, and societies are based on providing security for offspring. In our culture, that has meant marriage and fidelity. But Perhaps this is not the best societal pattern for today’s human needs.
We are living longer: Why commit to a lifetime attachment when childbearing is completed long before death?
Why sentence women to domestic and chlld care when we have evolved so many labor-saving devices?
Why put women at a disadvantage in the work force?
Perhaps a better solution to current issues is for a man and woman to contract with each other to bear and raise a child, without committing each other to any lifetime commitment. The parents would become parenting partners, regardless of their personal affections for each other.T his would be for a specified time, and those who wished to stay together could form another contract based on their individual preferences, not on parenting.
Education and job training would be available for women, as would parenting classes for both men and women. A fair balance of responsibilities for childcare would be agreed upon between the parents, leaving the mother free for her own development., so that women were no longer dependent upon a man to support them. And equal pay would become a reality rather than a goal.
In our unconscious wisdom, we seem to be already implementing such a pattern. Divorce is now happening to half of all marriages. Many couples are choosing to have children and live together outside of marriage. Woman are more and more holding jobs outside the home.
As we move toward a new paradigm for our planet, surely we will evolve many existing models of behavior within our societies — new patterns that will better serve us in peace, love and well-being.
December 12th, 2012 at 4:48 pm
Janet
What I find so interesting is that as Women become more powerful and take over the male dominated jobs, they start the same behavior as to extramarital affairs. I had always hoped that women are different because we think with our hearts not our penises. I think it involves power, just like a rape. Rape is not usually sexual, but rather a power ploy. I do not know the research on the matter, rather, from what I hear as an attorney and a woman.
Amy
December 31st, 2012 at 1:05 pm
In response to your questions, “If the male and female biological differences are real and the needs very different, how do we consciously reconcile them? Or don’t we?”, I am sharing my own insight which comes from experience, study and interviewing a man who is not the kind of man to whom you refer. In your blogs you are talking about the “natural man”, the man still run by animal instincts, the man who has not yet tapped into his true spiritual nature and discovered who he really is. These men are living smack dab in the middle of the 1% ego world of fear of not having enough or being enough. The solution is to show them how to move to a better world and discover who they truly are, which will eliminate this need for sexual conquest. For when one has lost their own internal power, they must grab it from someone else. We can solve this problem by showing men how to move from this ego through system of fear of not having or being enough to the thought system where they connect to their 99% thought system where they discover their lost internal power and can create whatever they desire. This is the whole purpose of my book, Rising from Ashes: Discover Your Hidden Power Through Adversity . . . to show people how to tap into their own internal spiritual powers which eliminates damaging behaviors. It works, as evidenced by my friend who has done it.