Resisting Evil
2009
A visitor to one of my other websites, http://wordsculptures.com, asked an interesting question:
“Do you resist evil 100%? Does the impulse come to resist, and what do you do with the impulse?”
What do we mean by the word “evil”?
Personally, I don’t much like that word. It smacks of judgment, and judgment is not my job. Discernment, however, is.
Discernment is just noticing and making choices about how I am going to respond to behavior I prefer to call “dysfunctional.” Dysfunctional behavior is behavior that is win/lose. Functional behavior is win/win. That means doing the best I know how to bring harmony into a conflicted relationship or situation. Sometimes, I just have to walk away. That, in itself, often leads to harmony, as well as a lesson to the person who is stuck in win/lose thinking.
As far as impulses go, I always notice them and listen to them, but I rarely act out on them. Instead, I make choices about them. It’s called “being the witness.” Impulses and emotions are generally bringing me a message I need to hear, decipher, and understand. Once I understand what I need to change in my own life to restore peace and harmony, I can make a conscious choice about the appropriate action to take. It is never about taking action against another. It may be about protecting myself from dysfunctional people and situations.
By making choices about how I am going to change, I put my power back where it belongs – in my own hands.
July 26th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Your gentle approach to non-judgment based behavior is very helpful. I find myself constantly trying to resist the temptation to ‘judge’. Sometimes I win, sometimes I don’t. It’s when I don’t that I don’t feel good about myself. I will try your witness approach to the impulse of judging and see how I do.
Keep up the good work! Kelley
July 27th, 2009 at 11:37 am
The witness approach is similar to what the Buddhists call “awareness.” It is really very simple. Once you “get the hang of it”, all you need do is notice what is going on – around you and inside of you – and then choose how you are going to respond. You’ve then mastered whatever happens, because you’ve mastered yourself.
July 27th, 2009 at 11:48 am
One other thing, Kelley. What you said here is such an important noticing:
“I find myself constantly trying to resist the temptation to ‘judge’. Sometimes I win, sometimes I don’t. It’s when I don’t that I don’t feel good about myself.
Just go back and really absorb what you wrote here.
Then ask yourself the question, “Do I want to feel good about myself or not?
If you do, then simply stop judging and make other choices. Perhaps you focus on something else. Perhaps you move out of the relationship. It’s truly not about the other person over whom you have no control. It’s all about making your own life better.