Shib Shakti, a long- time spiritual friend from India, wrote:

… we are programmed, in our families, from the very onset of our senses – It’s ‘my’ mom, it’s ‘my’ dad, it’s ‘my house’, that’s ‘your’ pen, that’s ‘your’ toy…. and this way we are programmed to alienate ourselves from ‘others’, though we could be taught instead that everything outside us is also part of ourselves …

What a fascinating topic!

You/Me Scarcity Mentality

If I hear Shib correctly, he is speaking about that aspect of you/me mentality that operates from scarcity. There is not enough to go around. I have to protect myself and hoard all the physical resources I can. If you win, I lose. This mentality creates conflict.

There are, however, other aspects of you/me mentality.

You/Me Uniqueness Mentality

Each of us on this planet is unique. Each of us has different genes, different cultural experiences, different parental experiences, different education, different skills. These differences are the gifts we have to give to the planet. It is vital for each of us to respect our own uniqueness in order to be able to grow to our full potential. This requires distinguishing you from me and getting clear on exactly what gifts and skills each of us has to offer.

You/Me Stewardship Mentality

US - Figure/Ground Ambigram by John Langdon, www.johnlangdon.net. Used by permission.

A third aspect of you/me mentality, related to Uniqueness Mentality is stewardship.

There are clearly some people who are better qualified to manage certain resources than others. For example, if I want to fly to New Delhi, I am far better served when the plane is piloted by an experienced pilot than a five year old child. If I need food, I am far better served by a farmer than an accountant. If I want joy and curiosity in my life, perhaps I am best served by the five-year old.

Stewardship emanates, not from scarcity thinking, conflict and disrespect, but from abundance thinking, collaboration and mutual respect. It is a you/me relationship that allows you and me to align into us. It allows me to serve you and you to serve me. We all win.

Are there other aspects of you/me mentality? I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can comment below.

A visitor to one of my other websites, http://wordsculptures.com, asked an interesting question:

“Do you resist evil 100%? Does the impulse come to resist, and what do you do with the impulse?”

What do we mean by the word “evil”?

Personally, I don’t much like that word. It smacks of judgment, and judgment is not my job. Discernment, however, is.

Discernment is just noticing and making choices about how I am going to respond to behavior I prefer to call “dysfunctional.” Dysfunctional behavior is behavior that is win/lose. Functional behavior is win/win. That means doing the best I know how to bring harmony into a conflicted relationship or situation. Sometimes, I just have to walk away. That, in itself, often leads to harmony, as well as a lesson to the person who is stuck in win/lose thinking.

As far as impulses go, I always notice them and listen to them, but I rarely act out on them. Instead, I make choices about them. It’s called “being the witness.” Impulses and emotions are generally bringing me a message I need to hear, decipher, and understand. Once I understand what I need to change in my own life to restore peace and harmony, I can make a conscious choice about the appropriate action to take. It is never about taking action against another. It may be about protecting myself from dysfunctional people and situations.

By making choices about how I am going to change, I put my power back where it belongs – in my own hands.