Notice Your Thoughts. Notice Your Feelings. Follow Your Heart.

Jul 06
2010

 

Recently, a friend of mine said she was feeling unfairly treated.  It wasn’t just a passing feeling. She was feeling it deep in her gut.

She was also feeling conflicted because everything she read told her that she ought to forgive, she ought to turn the other cheek, she ought to be mindful. She was trying to do all the oughts, but somehow she just couldn’t seem to pull them off without feeling resentment.

My friend is certainly worthy of being treated well. She is a beautiful, charming, intelligent, gracious woman. Yet she felt treated unfairly Why?

Perhaps she is too kind, too intelligent, too gracious, too forgiving, too mindful – of everyone but herself.

Years ago, I was struggling with the same issue. I worked it through by writing a poem.

DOORMAT

Today
I noticed
my anger and pain
directed outward
blaming
Again
I’d laid myself down
like a doormat
walked on
trampled
scuffed.
I didn’t deserve that treatment.

But who put me there?
_____________________

Being treated fairly begins with self. If my friend feels she is not being treated fairly, she does not have to stay in the relationship.

It doesn’t mean she has to storm out in rage and blame. All she has to do is turn around and leave. As soon as she leaves, the unfair treatment will stop because she is no longer there to receive it.

The sense of unfairness my friend is experiencing has nothing to do with the other person. It has everything to do with her. I hope she is listening to the message. “Notice yourself. Take care of yourself. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.” When my friend understands how to care for herself, she will also understand how to care for others.

Caring for oneself always requires noticing or mindfulness. It certainly requires self-forgiveness for not being perfect. It may or may not require turning the other cheek.

If my friend decides to turn the other cheek, I do hope she understands why she is doing it and makes sure it is because she wants to, not because somebody else told her she should.

Going Beyond (The Challenge of Being Human)

Jun 26
2009

I can never know where my boundaries are until I go beyond them. I can never know what my values are until I break them. Perhaps that’s why we humans are called “sinners.”

I am not omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. At any moment in time, I see only a partial picture from a limited space/time moment. Yet act I must, based on the little I know and despite my human limitations.

Lots of time I make mistakes. Ouch! There was information missing from the perspective on which I acted. Good! I’ve broadened that perspective and added a new piece of information. Now maybe I understand why the Ten Commandments were written and why there are societal rules you break at your own risk.

I have also gained experiential knowledge that serves me well in making my next choice in this limitless world.